Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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