remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize