Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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