you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
