Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
