If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sorry about my life...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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