We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
