is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
