take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
