Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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