Where is the hickey?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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