so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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