i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
