A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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