Where is the hickey?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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