too bad you live with your parents still
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The beer is more important than you right now.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
