I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
