Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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