You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
