he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
