So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
