I wish I could punch you in the face.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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