im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
