Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
