You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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