So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
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he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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