The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
