so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
