Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
