Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
