Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
