You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Text me some of your sweat
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
