When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
