I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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