I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
