Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
