Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
