You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
