Who wears a wallet chain?!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
