so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
