Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
