Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
