If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
