I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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