alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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