some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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