whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i now understand why vodka
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
