I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
