I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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