Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
