Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
