dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
