can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
