She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
