I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
