Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
