Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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