ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
me + whiskey = a bad person
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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