just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
