When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
