Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
