Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
