I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
sarcasm needs its own font
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
